Is your relationship suffering?

• Are you having frequent conflicts with one another?
• Are you wondering if this relationship is good for you anymore?
• Are one or both of you experiencing depression, grief, anxiety, or other issues that get in the way of you connecting?
• Are you struggling to communicate without shame, blame or hurt?
• Do you find it difficult to get on the same page about money, parenting, sex or other topics?

Relationships can be a source of great joy and pleasure, but can also bring the intensity of  heartbreak and misery. What do you do when the relationship that felt so good before is now at a low point, and there is no clear end in sight? Resentment, issues communicating, and confusion can make it so difficult to engage with your partner(s).  Maybe you have been feeling misunderstood, not cared for, or directionless. You might find yourself asking:

• Why is this so difficult?
• Why am I so reactive?
• Will this ever get any better?
• Why can’t we connect?

Couples often find themselves at a crossroads at some point in their relationship, as people and circumstances change.  Stress and transitions, such as job changes or a new baby, can impact the typical routine and create new tensions.  Relationships don’t always evolve at the same pace as life, and we don’t all have the communication skills needed to navigate these conflicts.  The loss of connection can be very stressful, and you might feel as if there is little hope left to revive it

Conflict is normal

Conflict itself is not a sign that the relationship can’t work.  When people live, work and play in close contact with one another, different needs, opinions and approaches will certainly arise.  Many couples experience periods of disconnection. Issues communicating, knowing what we want in relationship and how to get there are common problems in relationships. When past hurts linger and are not actively repaired, you might find yourself feeling resentful, angry, and reactive, without knowing why. It is so normal for couples to get to this stuck point and think to themselves, “how did we get here?” If we haven’t had good role modeling of healthy, communicative relationships, it might feel incredibly hard to create from scratch the openness and honesty that healthy relationships require.

When we experience change, uncertainty and transitions, we also find ourselves under additional pressure, which keeps us from being able to access our healthiest means of coping. Under this type of stress, most people will at some point point the finger at their partner or experience shame and internal criticism.  When both partners are stressed, it can be even more difficult for anyone in the relationship to feel heard or supported.

Most people find it difficult to speak with friends or family members about their relationship struggles, especially when intimacy or infidelity is involved.  Shifting priorities can lead to couples not talking to one another either, often leaving partners feeling as though they are roommates or just passing the baton in a relay race.  These issues can create wounds and tensions that sometimes lead to talk of separation or divorce.

Therapy can offer couples an opportunity to have a safe space to discuss the challenges in the relationship and feel heard.  Having a neutral party to mediate and facilitate discussion that doesn’t turn into arguments can allow you to uncover your feelings and determine your needs, both as individuals, and together.

Couples Counseling can help you reconnect to what you need in relationship 

Intimate relationships offer us unique opportunities to confront our challenges with connection and communication. There is often no more rewarding and equally heartbreaking relationship than the one with our chosen partner.

Whether you are considering a committed relationship, have been married for years and are seeking Marriage Counseling, or are in a more casual arrangement with someone, you might find that you would like support connecting with one another and not losing yourself in the process.  Or you might need support in determining whether this relationship is even right for you at this point in your life.

Couples counseling at the Louisville Family Center draws upon the wisdom of various approaches, including components of Stan Tatkin’s PACT methodology, Andrew Christensen & Neil Jacobson’s Acceptance and Change theory, and John Gottman’s evidence-based research on successful long-term relationships, as well as present-moment relating through Gestalt & somatic awareness.

One of the first steps is always to bring awareness to the couples’ particular dynamics and styles of relating.  Next, we believe that both acceptance and change are essential components of successful relationships. Learning to understand and accept your partner’s particular triggers and habituated responses can help reduce your own threat response. At the same time, integrating non-violent communication and tools for compassionate connection allow you to move away from destructive patterns.

Couples we have worked with have described therapy as an experience which helped them make some big shifts, which translated into a new, more fulfilled chapter of their lives. Whether you’re considering therapy after just getting together, before a marriage or ceremony, or after many years of partnership, couples therapy can give you essential skills to thrive in relationship.