On my soul, my eyes, on my body.
So much weight. It feels hard to move.
Stuck in the muck of life.
Rooted in the ‘not enough part’. Not enough, so must
consume and consume and consume,
Too much, too many, too, too, too.
Is it loving to write these words? To indulge these parts.
Or it is feeding the shame? I can’t tell anymore.
Moss in an early winter storm.
Not sure if I want to reach out or in.
Things have changed. In me and out there.
Is there a difference?
Seeing so much beauty in every thing, every one else.
Can I find beauty in myself, my heart?
Can I hold both the grotesque and the exquisite in the same breath?
My instinct is to silence these wailing parts.
Muffle them in food, technology and sleep.
I might soothe them just by witnessing their existence.
Holding the sweet tension of numbness and aliveness.
Bearing witness to the complexity that is my self, my
experience and my beautiful human heart.
My heart is a voyager
Feeling the unknown like a tide
Feeling the pulse and pull
She sails the high seas
Through ups and downs
Calm and storm
She calls them waves and rides them as they appear
My dear heart
She moves toward the dark
At the same time she moves closer to the light
Stars and splashes
There is no distinction
And yet…she knows where she is.
Words and picture by Christy Lochary
While I was searching for answers outside myself
you came to me
With just a little knock and a sweet connecting of eyes
Yes, hello heart
I am right here and so are you
Let’s play even if its for a small moment
The rain drops fell and she wanted to rest.
Rest in the warmth of her own precious heart, and everything went on around her.
Here I am again.
Do I give myself up for other? Do I stay with myself, my experience? I want to want me. I can feel it in my core. Solid and warm. Right there. When I stop and breathe, there she is. Tiny and wild, naked with mud on her belly and feathers in her hair. She jumps from branch to branch, knowing which will hold her weight. She jumps and rests, and feels and talks to the animals. She’s not afraid to look you in the eyes and scream and cry and laugh.
I want her.